It Is Enough
“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.”
― Pierre Corneille, Le Menteur
The desire to give something, no matter what, pulls powerfully this time of year. Whether out of sincerity or obligation, we ultimately want to bring joy to friends and family, be generous with our riches, or simply abide by the social norms of gift giving. The cliché rings true; it is better to give than to receive, if only because it feels great. Even the inescapable Secret Santa tradition is an opportunity to be kind alongside clever.
Amid the holiday hype, we can feel an enormous pressure to give enough. We size up what we should give; how big, how many, how expensive. The season's persuasion can mess up our internal gauge as we proceed with urges not in line with our true spirit and we're coaxed to overspend, overbuy, and even over-feel, second-guessing a gift's impression and inherent value. Emotions of shame, guilt and even fear can percolate under the presumed joy of gift giving, putting a yucky spin on a holiday based upon family and faith.
I remember going to a birthday party when I was a little girl. As a gift, I brought a homemade butterfly made out of pale pink yarn and wooden clothespins. I recall feeling it would be a different kind of gift, but one I thought was cute and creative. As the other girls' gifts were getting opened, I realized what a glaring contrast mine was from the other presents. I sheepishly handed the birthday girl my gift, mortified by how "weird" it was, and before she finished opening it, I ran crying into the bathroom. I was finally coaxed out by her mother, wishing I could turn back time so as to never have shown up at all (I guess I had a flair for drama at a young age). Nobody had judged or berated my gift, it just felt like it wasn't enough, and WOW was that a strong emotion. The saying goes that it's the thought that counts, but in that moment, the thought needed to be a magical unicorn covered in glitter to overcome my intense shame. Nothing short thereof would do.
Thinking back, I vaguely recall needing a number of birthday gifts from my parents that month and either they'd had enough of my asking, we couldn't afford it, or perhaps I'd forgotten to mention it until it was too late to go shopping! Either way, it burrowed a discomfort within me that I'm sure others share. It tainted my contentedness in giving, worrying that what I offer is insufficient or worse yet, unwanted. Sheesh! Talk about taking the fun out of it all.
Back to the holidays at hand, we often buy trinkets or last-minute gifts to help 'fill up space', be it under the tree, in a stocking, or at any gift exchange. After all, we want to fulfill both the receiver's expectations and our own. Volume = Happiness, right? Usually not. The correlation may seem evident in the short-term, but is neither sustainable nor exponential. Let your true spirit be the barometer which guides you in knowing what and when is enough, and keep in mind that both your budget and people's space is limited. What is not limited is the love attached to the gift. When we wonder, "Will this make them feel loved enough?", assure yourself the answer is yes. The self-conscious "not-enough" voice is reflecting an unreal truth, one both projected and internalized, and one that stores and credit cards bank on, not to mention our ego's sense of shame. We can learn to not only feel contentment with what we personally own, but with what we give others. Less = More? With mindfulness, yes. Each and every time.
The birthday gift I gave wasn't big, new, trendy, or expensive, but it was from the heart. It was enough. 30 seconds after opening it, I doubt the birthday girl even had an opinion about it either way. She was surrounded by a million other gifts, attention, birthday cake, giggling friends, and doting parents. I was hardly the center of attention I thought I was (minus the crying fit). Although I would have argued it at the time, what mattered was not what I gave, but how I gave it - with love and intention. The same holds true for any gift giving occasion. This season, when the aisles start shouting at you to buy!buy!buy!, collect yourself and be comfortable knowing that what you'll give is enough. Trust this and your holidays will be filled with wonder, contentment and gratitude. All worthy gifts indeed.
